Morning Paragraph 2017-09-12

There was a point in my life that I was sporadic and crazy and down for whatever at the spur of a moment.  The above picture is proof of that.  Coney Island, NY.  It was the day they were closing a lot of the area down to allow for another homogenized high rise to go in.  My daughter and I found ourselves there to document the event, to take picture-memories and to have fun.  She egged me to jump crazily from a bench (there are other silly photos but this one tops them all) and she would take my action shot.  This photo is the result of that adventure.  We laughed until we cried and had evidence of a memory shared.

When Ma died in 2010, a little piece of me fell off.  She and I had a rocky (at best) relationship.  But I loved her immensely and her passing left a gap in my life that would never be filled.  I moved home, leaving behind the one place that I felt understood me and my idiosyncrasies. Since then I took care of my Dad who had a horrible temper suddenly and a vague recollection of his memories, we had a few years of a resurgence in his health and then I lost Dad.  That has taken a serious toll on me, losing Dad.  I had a partial hysterectomy with bad consequence and the very next (this) year I had another surgery to remove the remaining ovary with yet more horrible consequence. In between all of that I have done some amazing things but I have had trouble fighting being sad or tired or down.

It reminds me of when I was a little kid at the ocean.  There was this one time I fell down and the raft floated over me.  The waves kept coming and my little body spun in the surf.  For a little kid, that was terrorizing and seemingly the end of the world, seeing flashes of colors and not being able to get my feet under me.  Truth be known, all I had to do was stand up.  The water was probably less than two feet deep.  But my perspective of it, in the moment, was insurmountable.  I stood up, Ma brushed me off and I went about my merriment but remained leery of the water for years after that event.

So that brings me to today.

I haven’t read a book in like a year.

I have not picked up my camera to take pictures in who knows how long.

I have not truly fully involved myself in anything.

I am blue.

I have not been exercising.

Self-frustrations are numerous on my list of improvements needed.

Now, in my defense, some of that was because of the most recent surgery that upended my well-being for a number of weeks.  But that time has passed and I have no real excuse now.

Now, I am kind of like the little kid version of me in the ocean.  I just need to stand her up and let her get a better perspective.

I miss the old me and today I realize that I want to find where she went.  Sure, the old version of me will be leery for whatever reason, just like the little kid me from decades ago.  But she will be glad to be out of the surf and finding merriment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow Thoughts and Ponderances on WordPress.com

Archives

Blogs I Follow

Chelle’s Twitter

Franklenstein

Frank book reviews

The Wild Ramp

Local Foods, Local Values

The Elliptical Saloon

Weblog for WhiteHouseMuseum.org

Stories by Jake Fuentes on Medium

The Adventures Of Chelle

Stories by Yonatan Zunger on Medium

The Adventures Of Chelle

Books – Nerdist

The Adventures Of Chelle

Broken Light: A Photography Collective

We are photographers living with or affected by mental illness; supporting each other one photograph at a time. Join our community, submit today!

Appalachian Magazine

The Adventures Of Chelle

Beyond the Edge

National Geographic Adventure Blog

The Plate

| Serving Daily Discussions on Food | National Geographic

Phenomena

A science salon

A Change of Tune

The Adventures Of Chelle

Barnes & Noble Reads

The Adventures Of Chelle

Omnivoracious

The Adventures Of Chelle

A Little Blog of Books

Book reviews and other literary-related musings

Books blog | The Guardian

The Adventures Of Chelle

Love and Lemons

The Adventures Of Chelle

Outdoor Photographer

The Adventures Of Chelle

Eureka! Tent Blog

The Adventures Of Chelle

Beyond the Campsite

Clean Camp; New Journeys

Blog

The Adventures Of Chelle

Lazy Girl Running

The Adventures Of Chelle

THAT BACKPACKER

The Adventures Of Chelle

Nomadic Matt's Travel Site

The Adventures Of Chelle

The Sidewalk

•A Sustainable Paper•

cractpot.wordpress.com/

We're all a little mad here

insatiabletravelerdotcom1.wordpress.com/

World Travel | Award-winning Photography| Inspiration | Tips

Nerdy Book Club

A community of readers

TED Blog

The TED Blog shares interesting news about TED, TED Talks video, the TED Prize and more.

Lens Cap

Casual glimpes into mundane suburbia

%d bloggers like this: