So this week offered me more insight into my own personal history than I would have ever thought possible. I created a personal timeline of my first four years (starting just before my birth). There are a number of things I still need to research. A ton of things that I had been given misinformation on by Ma.
I am looking forward to actually going to the Raleigh County courthouse and pulling old records. I have never done something like that before and I know it is a big part of genealogical research. That was the big highlight of this bit of digging.
Nau and I will head to the state capitol because they have an archive that is supposed to be amazing. There I plan on researching Husband’s line (his family is from the county the capitol is located within). I have picked up a DNA test for him and we will send it out Monday. I am looking forward to staring at information for a tree other than my own for a little while.
I am still mad at Ma. This week was a matter of putting readily available puzzle pieces together and having an AHA! moment. I have compartmentalized a number of issues that created conflict between Ma and me. I have been writing some stuff down that I will keep private. I have been working on some things that I may post about. It has been an experience, to say the least. There is a reason I moved over ten hours away from her – it allowed me to keep her at arm’s length and maintain a relationship with her. Up close was near impossible.
My de-compartmentalized thoughts that are now all laid out on a virtual table in my mind. They are being turned over…reexamined…remembered. I try to move them aside and they keep revealing memories to me that I had forgotten, those on the back shelf of my mind.
It is truly difficult to be mad at someone who is dead, who cannot answer the questions I have, who cannot hear me when I talk to her (which has been a lot this week).
It is a process. I know this.
I am just glad that the weather is turning to the warmer side of things. Wintertime blues AND dealing with startling revelations may have proven too much for me.
Categories: Personal History / My Own Words