I miss my Pawpaw. All of this research on my family’s ancestry and reading about where his parents came from has brought him to the forefront of my brain. I cite him as a large factor in who I am today. He was a very “take no shit off people who have nothing better to do than fling shit your way” kinda guy. I wish I could have had him in my life beyond my High School years. I am sure he could have offered insight unlike everyone else.
I am also a little mad at Ma. There are some things in her personal history that I have found that are directly related to me, who I am, and I have no way (now that she is gone) to find out what her rationale was.
I can remember (as a young person) Ma telling me a story (to reinforce my love of her and disdain for my birth father) about having a miscarriage (the year? after I was born) and then trying to overdose on baby aspirin. As an adult, I wish I had revisited that conversation before 2010, just to ask why and where did I play into what she thought the outcome of that would be.
That is the bad/sad/mad stuff. I have found PLENTY of happy things looking to the past.
Have you ever been frustrated (in retrospect) with people who have passed away? Did you ever find resolution?
Thoughts and Ponderances 