So yesterday I chronicled the part of my old journal that was probably some of the darkest times of my life. I was married to an abusive man, my Mom tried to gain custody of my son and hope had left me. I look back at those times (almost three decades ago) and am amazed that I survived. I am thankful I survived.
Some more entries from that old journal:
Paradise Lost – Adam and Eve stood, Godlike erect with native honor clad; Not equal, as their sex not equal seem’d; For contemplation hee, and valor formed; For softness shee and sweet attractive Grace. Hee for God only, she for God in him. ~Milton
Isn’t it interesting when you are in a despairing place and you try to find a speck of faith, of fortitude to go on?
I have a dream – …But we refuse to believe the bank of justice is bankrupt… ~MLK Jr
And in the middle of my quoting various authors, I ask the silly question: Why is it called a thunderstorm? Why not a lightning storm?
1993-04-25 The jukebox plays on, drink by drink, the words of every sad song seem to say what I think. This hurt inside of me, ain’t never gonna end. Oh, but I’ll be alright as long as there’s light from a neon moon.
1996-04-26 I sit here and watch the grass as it dances with the wind to a silent song. And I wonder, will love come to me? The birds sing their sweet melody, lifted higher and higher on the breeze. And I wonder, will love come to me? The flowers stand, beautiful faces looking up, awaiting the kiss of a bumblebee. And I wonder, will love come to me? I watch my children play, their laughter sweeter than any harmony and I know, I stand in the presence of love. MA
1999–01-02 That is the last of the writing from that journal. I destroyed it on that Jan in 1999. I destroyed it after I transferred the tolerable entries into a newer journal. I survived the gauntlet, surprisingly. Oh, there would be so many more things that would come around the corner and hit me head on. But there would never be times like those, those bleak days when hope seemed too far away for me to reach.
Looked for a picture to adequately portray that period of my life and found the one below. It is perfect for that period in time. I found the picture: here.
Categories: Personal History / My Own Words