2011-01-13 They Say Mourning Takes One Year and One Day – Throwback Blog

They say mourning takes one year and one day

Today is the anniversary of my Ma’s death.  Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better?

I still try to cope by compartmentalizing the fact that she is gone.  There are days when I feel I have not given her the proper amount of mourning.  There are other days when it rushes upon me and I drown in a sea of saddness.  This was a year of “firsts”.  Every holiday saw tears.  When asked, my answer was: “This is the first (insert holiday) without my Ma.”  This year I guess it will be “I just miss my Ma”.

When I was about six, my Ma took me to the grocery store where the IGA is now behind Bank One.  The world was so big, I was so small, my Ma was so rushed.  During the process of packing the groceries I wandered away a little.  Soon I realized that the car was gone, Ma was gone, I was alone.  I sat on the bench in front of the store, lost.  Was she teaching me a lesson or did she really forget me?  No one will ever know.  But that overwhelming sense of “gone” is something that I remember today as clearly as the day it happened some thirty five years ago – that same feeling of “gone” and “lost” echoes in my heart today.

She was a firecracker, a pistol, a mean old broad.  She had a temper, an interesting wit.  She had a fierce love for her family.  She kept me on my toes every day.

I love you Ma. Sunflower misses you so much.

If there is one bit of advice I could give you today, those of you with parents still with you, it is this:

Journal their stories, take lots of pictures and do everything you can to get video – it is her voice I miss the most.  It is her voice that is still on my Daddy’s answering machine, “This is Paul and Beckie…”.

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