So I am working on a album / bio project for my new employers. While asking the guys “who are you”, I had one of them tell me that before he told me about himself I had to tell him about me. Fair enough. I scratched my head and then came up with an off the cuff response of:
“I am a 43 year old scorpio with two kids (one a photographer for zip lines and the other a math teacher). Three of my favorite days in life included standing in the crown of the Statue of Liberty, swiming with the sharks, and falling out of an airplane and hurtling to the ground while giggling like a kid. I am a jack of all trades but a master of none. I collect comic books, Cloak and Dagger are my favorites but I can read anything Matt Wagner pens/draws. I like long kayaks on any lake, jagermeister and a good pasta dish. I curse like a sailor and most women hate me because their boyfriends want me. That, my friend, kinda sums me up.”
Ok, yeah that was arrogant and flippant. And I can guarantee you that no one hates me because their boyfriend wants me. Of course I have my failsafe response on my social sites that states:
“I like to sing, though my friends tell me not to. I admire people who do not seek admiration. I find comedy when I should be more serious. Spontaneity requires practice for me. My heart is a source of weakness. I can tell and listen to a great story. I sometimes think love is a luxury that should be left to fools and poets. I spared the cowardly lion some courage. Sometimes I forget to breathe. If I had been Charlie Brown, I woulda punched Lucy in the ovary. My daughter is the most talented photographer I know and my son will one day expand the minds of our future generations. I believe that pride is something you give, not keep for yourself. I think that is it… no, wait…. Right now I want to be foolish and spout poetry.”
That one was more whimsical and less conceited. Ha! There are many things that are present in my composition of personality (both good and bad). I suffer from depression. I am self centered most days. I constantly seek approval. I am a Heinz 57 mix of cultures but identify most with my Hungarian and Polish roots. I cope with inappropriate humor and laughter. I often times destroy relationships by being “too present”. I can overwhelm and intimidate. I have a hearing impairment that I blame my loudness on when really, I don’t think it would matter, I’m just loud. I have been taught how to Dougie (and there is even a video of it). I love Irish punk music. If I love, I love desperately (this applies to lovers, family and friends). I have a temper that flares instantly and an inability to control what comes out of my mouth. I am impulsive. My friend Erin tells me I do this little prance when I dress up (I have confidence issues and need to be told I look cute when I go out of my way to actually try to be cute). I believe words of praise from an employer are impairitive to good managing skills but few managers realize the impact those words can have and fail to put in place that free and easy gesture. I will go out of my way to help a person whether I know them or not. My Pawpaw, Daddy and my ex father-in-law (Dean) were the main male role models in my life (all for very different reasons). I would literally draw blood if my children were hurt in any manner. I portray myself as this very strong person when in reality my weaknesses overwhelm me most days. I include randon music and life quotes on my FB page to make obscure statements directed to individuals though many of them probably have no clue I am speaking to them. I love public speaking and being on stage but HATE to talk on the phone. I live to take pictures – LOVE it. I hope to one day maybe figure out how I can take photography to a career-level.
I hate the media for making girls believe there is a third act love that is waiting on all of them. Reality is, most relationships end (three divorces, one ex fiance and TONS of bad relationships have formed my opinion on this). Yeah I rush into things. I wish I could change that but it is one part of the composition that is unyielding. My heart has scars, it is a battlefield of sorts. I should learn how to protect it better but I worry that would change who I am at the core. My friends are right in saying “it will happen”, “don’t look for it”, “don’t rush it”, and “don’t overanalyze it”. But, it does not diminish the want I have for a “one and only” in my life. (Sigh, that will kill my romantic life I am sure).
And do I think I am narsicistic for even putting this blog together? Yeah, probably so. But, I don’t care. My question is this – what do YOU think of me? Or would I really want to know? (laugh)
Categories: Personal History / My Own Words