It doesn’t WANT to stay in…

This morning on my commute (yes, another commute story) I had to endure 47 minutes of conversation between four rude Young Republicans who talked loudly the entire train ride.  Three quarters of that conversation involved pizza.  The best place to get it, the best toppings, the best crust and the occasional story involving pizza (‘…there was this one time when we were eating that kind of pizza that the waitress slipped…’).  The other quarter of the conversation involved Keanu Reeves.  Is he The Man or a Flash In The Pan?  A comparison of his best works – The Matrix, The Replacements, Hardball, etc.  I am glad that I was not in possession of Chinese stars.  That is all I have to say about that.

Their conversation was not the funny thing today… Along about Valley Stream a woman entered the train, cell phone in hand and sat catercorner to me.  She answered a call and for the 15 minutes between VS and Jamaica (where it was snowing BTW….WTF?!?) argued loudly with someone on the other end of the line.  At one point she yells, “I don’t know why we are fighting!!!”  To which, the old man behind her yells, “Neither do we so either put him on speaker or hang the fuck up!”  I wanted to hug him.  We need more people like him on the commute.  Then I would not be alone in my quest to thwart idiocy on the train.

The second part of my blog is about a commuting event that took place last night.  I worked late, caught the 8:51 out of Penn.  The train was empty in my car (the last one available).  I plopped down and thought about instantly dozing off.  In walked a man and his two VERY young sons.  I would say one was kindergarten and the other first grade.  Lukie was kindergarten.  I know his name because his father repeated it over and over, “Lukie get down.  Lukie come back here.  Lukie don’t eat stuff off the ground.”  I found amusement in their playing I Spy.  It was nice interaction between the three of them.  As they were preparing to get off the train (putting on hats, coats, scarves, etc) I hear the dad say, “Lukie hold it in, we will be home in a few minutes.”  To which he whispered, “It doesn’t WANT to stay in!”  That was when it hit me.  A wall of funk that nuclear physicists would never be able to explain.  Toxic Avenger, stand aside.  O…M…G…!  I texted my friend Erin what had happened.  The following texts took place:

M:  Jesus, I can TASTE it!

E:  But can you CHEW it?

M: I can write my name in it.  They just left and I am worried to death that someone is going to walk past and think it was me.

Fortunately, no one walked past.  However, I did febreeze my coat when I got home.  Kind of like standing in a kitchen when someone is frying food, I felt like the odor clung.

In closing, I believe that there are scientists that are working on chemical agents in defense of our nation.  They should be notified, brought in and made to study this kindergarten kid.   I believe he holds the secret they are looking for!!